I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
