you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
