i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
