careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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