Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
