As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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