Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The air was thick with penises
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
