I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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