glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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