wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
