what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
