Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
