Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize