That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize