i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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