I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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