I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
