i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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