need another drink. this is the easiest way
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
