i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
