there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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