she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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