What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
