it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
