There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
