Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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