I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
