I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
