I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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