Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
