How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
