Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have post one night stand depression
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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