i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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