i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
