where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
