Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am midnight drunk by noon
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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