i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
