I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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