my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
