and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize