shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
