What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
