Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
