Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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