I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
barbara walters just said penis...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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