Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
