Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
