how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
