Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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