Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
