I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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