therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
