im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Fuck appropriateness.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
