he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
