Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
