508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
