3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
