Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
