we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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