is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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