I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
