dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
