yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
