I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
