I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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