Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
