Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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