we made out on top of his cat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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