Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
