Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
