Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
