I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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