I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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