I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
