Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
