just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
