Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
