We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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