I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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