I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
